Through my five times five years of life, only now have I realized where in life I fit in a social "group".
Always thought I was a nerd for that is what I was called in school.
But nerds... I don't even fit there. I've tried and it scared me.
Nerdrage around a table imagine LARP-ing as being part of a vampire clan
playing board games... Yeah, I had to fake a call to go home while
sitting there.
Got 2 pizza slices for free though...
I was just glad to cycle back home in the dark thereafter.
So. The group (or lack thereof) where I belong in is.... LONER!
Not surprising though. I'm pretty "out there" (and away from others).
I didn't even fit in by the misfit group at school, even though I hanged
out on occasion with them, but mostly I was in the library or computer
room for some solitude.
After school hours I was still in school. Never for detention. I just
sat in the computer room and did my homework. Or in my spare time I
wrote.
So discipline, obedience and solitude muscled up my IQ towards being at nerd level.
I'm not a nerd, not a misfit.
I'm just Ant, uniquely myself. (and a bit introverted)
Sometimes I do use the introvert skill called "Social Recharge", where I just need to break away and observe life. Maybe sometime get "in it" again for some amusement.
So, yes, you could say that I'm a loner, but I feel more lonely in a crowded room full of boring people than I feel on my own.
There are those who sees me as interesting and by talking to people I
have come to realize that I'm definitely different than others. I'm not pretentious, just quiet and very reserved.
Interesting but not freaky.
Saying the most direct and simple things and STILL I'm misunderstood, or
it sounds like I make a joke. Sometimes it is even funny for me when
people laugh but on occasion its just demoralizing. Maybe I'm too straight forward for them, "are they used to people talking the long way around?"
Its a very
clear feeling that they have a babel fish in their ear absorbing
conscious sound frequencies I make and excreting sub-conscious
frequencies into their mind that I sound like an alien to them.
Or perhaps I just speak Greek and do not even know that I do...
How people just ask and demand me to be at places... I'm not a product
that relies on "ask and demand" to get sold for your comical and social
expenses. I work solely on "ask only and I'll oblige."
Sometimes it gets annoying when people want me here and there. I get
drained. Fame isn't for me. I prefer working in the shadows.
To explain what I mean with the above, I'll attempt this with a little
bit nerd in me: I'm a Chaotic Good Thief. I steal from monsters and evil
men and trade relics in for experience and not gold. I do good, even
though I play a shadowy character. Never the Assassin.
(Follow my future blog about Assassins...)
I prefer to be unseen, unheard and try and wish and do people well.
I do some good and I won't say what... Hoping one day someone would help me with the same unasked for kindness.
I'm a person who would post a free classified ad to try and recruit
"superheroes" to get together and plan some good events. Maybe someday
with costumes. All in good fun and fun good. Yet it never "launched".
People thought it was weird...
But still I'm like a little one of them "heroes" on its own. I try and
do my part each day. Random deeds and the reward is such a blessing. No
words needed when the honestly in their eyes matches the broadness of
their smile.
I choose whom I help and its those people who don't ask but need it.
People who assume one should help them pisses me off.
Effort and self determination goes a long way and I like those people
with good intent, so long as they aren't going to be assholes or
assassins (double the ass!).
You can smell them before you see them.
While my blog is on the fun side of complaints, its just a humorous adaption to a world that is so messed up.
I wish there would be more unselfish people in the world, less
holier-than-thou and only a little necessary evil in this plane we call
life.
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