A guide to understanding the Introverted

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Eyeing myself; seeing a strange world outside

Through my five times five years of life, only now have I realized where in life I fit in a social "group".

Always thought I was a nerd for that is what I was called in school.

But nerds... I don't even fit there. I've tried and it scared me. Nerdrage around a table imagine LARP-ing as being part of a vampire clan playing board games... Yeah, I had to fake a call to go home while sitting there.
Got 2 pizza slices for free though...
I was just glad to cycle back home in the dark thereafter.

So. The group (or lack thereof) where I belong in is.... LONER!
Not surprising though. I'm pretty "out there" (and away from others).

I didn't even fit in by the misfit group at school, even though I hanged out on occasion with them, but mostly I was in the library or computer room for some solitude.
After school hours I was still in school. Never for detention. I just sat in the computer room and did my homework. Or in my spare time I wrote.

So discipline, obedience and solitude muscled up my IQ towards being at nerd level.

I'm not a nerd, not a misfit. I'm just Ant, uniquely myself. (and a bit introverted)
Sometimes I do use the introvert skill called "Social Recharge", where I just need to break away and observe life. Maybe sometime get "in it" again for some amusement.

So, yes, you could say that I'm a loner, but I feel more lonely in a crowded room full of boring people than I feel on my own.

There are those who sees me as interesting and by talking to people I have come to realize that I'm definitely different than others. I'm not pretentious, just quiet and very reserved. Interesting but not freaky.
Saying the most direct and simple things and STILL I'm misunderstood, or it sounds like I make a joke. Sometimes it is even funny for me when people laugh but on occasion its just demoralizing. Maybe I'm too straight forward for them, "are they used to people talking the long way around?"
Its a very clear feeling that they have a babel fish in their ear absorbing conscious sound frequencies I make and excreting sub-conscious frequencies into their mind that I sound like an alien to them.
Or perhaps I just speak Greek and do not even know that I do...

How people just ask and demand me to be at places... I'm not a product that relies on "ask and demand" to get sold for your comical and social expenses. I work solely on "ask only and I'll oblige."
Sometimes it gets annoying when people want me here and there. I get drained. Fame isn't for me. I prefer working in the shadows.

To explain what I mean with the above, I'll attempt this with a little bit nerd in me: I'm a Chaotic Good Thief. I steal from monsters and evil men and trade relics in for experience and not gold. I do good, even though I play a shadowy character. Never the Assassin.
(Follow my future blog about Assassins...)

I prefer to be unseen, unheard and try and wish and do people well.

I do some good and I won't say what... Hoping one day someone would help me with the same unasked for kindness.

I'm a person who would post a free classified ad to try and recruit "superheroes" to get together and plan some good events. Maybe someday with costumes. All in good fun and fun good. Yet it never "launched". People thought it was weird...

But still I'm like a little one of them "heroes" on its own. I try and do my part each day. Random deeds and the reward is such a blessing. No words needed when the honestly in their eyes matches the broadness of their smile.

I choose whom I help and its those people who don't ask but need it.
People who assume one should help them pisses me off.
Effort and self determination goes a long way and I like those people with good intent, so long as they aren't going to be assholes or assassins (double the ass!).
You can smell them before you see them.

While my blog is on the fun side of complaints, its just a humorous adaption to a world that is so messed up.

I wish there would be more unselfish people in the world, less holier-than-thou and only a little necessary evil in this plane we call life.

Month-end

I'm only typing this now after my recovery from my past week at work...

Tiredness, the dreadful energy lack and "how you sadly perceive the world" phase one finds oneself in then everything looks so strange.

You find yourself seeing something then recalculating it to the most stupid thing you've seen.

That moment where you even look in the toilet and you see some poor excuse for a turd floating there and it says "yo, they call me a chimp's finger" and you just think, "what have science done!?" (*. *)

That moment where you want to wash your hands and you just stare into the mirror and you want to jump in a fright but are too tired to do so as you see the undead future self staring back at you with soulless eyes hungry for whatever soul you have left. Then you just leave, turn the light off walk two paces and forgot to washed your hands...

You go back and turn the light on, stand in front of the basin and you notice the undead staring again from the mirror... Then realizing the basin was already wet and your hands smell nice. "When did this happen??"

You know you're nucking fackered of work that you get dreams working there and you're enjoying it.
 (•͡_ •͡;

I demand double pay when that happens as I'm neither at work when I'm sleeping nor am I such a happy chappy working so hard my brain synapsis think they are doing the Spetsnaz 30 seconds of heaven.
 (•͡˘˛˘ •͡)

Going to work in a month-end phase, you really get quite the workout. Mental, viciously multitasking, literally running around and monkey-ing around on stock shelves, throwing boxes (sounds weird, but I did), picking up the phone receiver like a ninja with a spare arm still typing whichever email or document you were busy with.
What amazed me was that I could put the phone down with precision and under a half second.... "Without sound" @_@!

...and now the one-day-weekend consists of fixing my bicycle, polishing a guitar and I've already slept late!